Thursday, July 11, 2013

Way too heavy

WARNING!!!!  Standing on my soapbox and hoping that I'll feel a little peace and comfort in my memories.  

Working in my church with young women between the ages of 12-18 really gives me strength and happiness.  But I watch them struggle everyday with their outward beauty and likability.  Constantly I am reminded of being their age and knowing the grief that comes with social gathering and parties.  

I had beautiful friends, the ones who had dates every weekend, the ones who never stood alone at dances, the ones who were always surrounded by boys who wanted a date and girls seeking friendships.  I love my friends, and they never treated me poorly and never said that I wasn't as pretty as them.  They were good to me.  They had no idea that homecomings and proms were a source of anxiety.  As each of them got asked repeatedly, they assured me that someone would ask.  

In college, more friends with dates every weekend.  It was easy for me to work more hours and take classes at school, then I had an excuse.  I had a boy tell me, (when he was taking me to his work Christmas party) that, "I wanted to take someone who was hot or beautiful, but I need to laugh at this party so I guess I had to take you."  My roommate felt bad for me and made it her mission to make sure I had a place to go.  I can't help but laugh to think that her husband dated me and her.  She set me up with my husband, a good man who thought I was beautiful.

I watched this clip and it made me teary and I wanted to share.  It's worth the watch.

I have had my moments.  I yelled at my husband and his brother for making comments about a woman and her unattractiveness.  I tell my girls at church that they are lovely.  I especially tell my daughters that they are beautiful inside and out.  I'm trying to teach them about loving themselves and not depending on the good opinions of boys.  I tell them to wait for the prince and not worry about the frogs, but for right now, I think a three year old and three month old don't quite understand.  I'm still learning and sometimes have to remind myself that my self worth is not based on standards of beauty and the opinions of others.  It's a daily battle, sometimes I win and sometimes I leave the day with scars.  

 But as a momma and a woman who interacts with teenagers, I will make it my mission to educate on self worth, true beauty, and confidence in yourself.